Fear and Writing (and An Announcement)
“I’m convinced that fear is at the root of most bad writing.”—Stephen King, On Writing
This week, my Studies in Writing class will be considering this idea from Stephen King, and it seems a perfect time to tell my story about how fear has paralyzed my writing life for the last few years, and about what—and who—has set me free.
A year after my book Worthy came out, a literary agent agreed to look at a proposal I’d crafted, primarily about loneliness and the church. I can see now that it wasn’t a great proposal, though the agent said I was a good writer. He also said I’d need about 10k more Instagram followers if I ever wanted to get a Christian book published again. And about 15k more in sales than what my previous book had made. Otherwise, I might as well forget about writing Christian nonfiction.
His words paralyzed me. I didn’t care about the proposal—it’s probably best that I didn’t write that book—but I thought my writing life, and the nonfiction I love to produce, was done. I had more to say, but lacked the ability or resources (time or money) to build a bigger platform. I wondered why God would give me a calling to write nonfiction, then slam the door, decades before I was ready to stop trying.
Fear kept me from writing any more nonfiction. I stuck to shorter articles for smaller publications (save for Ms. Magazine; that article on women’s sports boosted my spirits!) and wrote a ton of book reviews. I dabbled in fiction, and audited a fiction writing class. I took on a few freelance content development jobs, and ghostwrote a book on a topic that didn’t interest me much at all. I even bought a book on writing romance novels, and wrote 3/4ths of a Christian romance (I haven’t yet nailed the happily-ever-after ending!).
I prayed, and tried committing my writing life more fully to God than I had before. I asked God to take away my fear, to show me what I was supposed to write.
Something shifted in November. I wrote a proposal on a topic about which I am passionate: how we live with and love young adults, the ones we parents, the ones we teach, the ones who have helped me understand justice more fully, the ones who challenge me to seek mercy and walk with humility. I have an amazing agent at Embolden Media Group who helped shepherd my proposal to a book contract, and who spoke words of encouragement and grace through this process. I really needed her faith in me to help guide me.
If fear is at the root of all writing—and I think it is—it’s also at the root of not writing at all. Grateful today for answered prayers, for the opportunity to write, and for people who open doors I thought were shut for good.